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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25725937">like it used to be</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/alyssa9779/pseuds/alyssa9779'>alyssa9779</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Supernatural</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alpha Sam Winchester, Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Ambiguous/Open Ending, Angst, Badass Reader, F/M, No Smut, Omega Dean, Omega Dean Winchester, Unresolved Tension, alpha reader</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-08-05</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-08-05</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-05 11:40:29</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Not Rated</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,459</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25725937</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/alyssa9779/pseuds/alyssa9779</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Every time you see him, it's like a knife to your chest. But you keep coming back. You always will. Whenever they call. No matter how much it hurts. But you won't stay. You can't lose him. You refuse to give the universe the chance to take him away. Because it can and it will.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Dean Winchester/Reader, Sam Winchester/Reader (friendship)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>3</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>24</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>like it used to be</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Hello! So for this fic, I decided I want to play with the a/b/o dynamic in this universe between the reader and Dean. There's nothing explicit, it's more angst if anything. I just wanted to give it a shot!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>You’re running. All you know right now is that you’re running. You feel your chest heaving, your feet pounding relentlessly upon the forest floor below, the one bead of sweat dripping down your forehead. It’s almost like you aren’t there, it feels more like you’re a spectator, watching from above. Seeing your exhausted body continue to sprint and the pack of werewolves right on your tail. </p><p>Oh shit. The werewolves. Duh. And with that, you’re reinvigorated. You can practically feel yourself climb back into your body and regain control. Running. We are running. Werewolves. Yes. That. </p><p>You know you’re about ten yards from the rendezvous point set by Sam and Dean the second you can scent them, Dean specifically. You can smell his excitement, it’s mingling with undertones of worry and anxiety. You sense the excitement spike, so he must’ve scented you, knowing you’re close.  </p><p>And you’re so close, goddamnit. The burning in your chest is ever-present, but you’re so close. You couldn’t even tell how long you’ve been running but it feels like it’s been a lifetime. Those idiots could have planned this all out a little better, especially considering how far out of your way you came to give them a hand on this case. </p><p>You feel the anger bubbling up in your core as you sprint past the trees that Sam and Dean are crouched behind. Luckily you had managed to regain a bit of a lead from the pack and the boys certainly use that to their advantage, practically diving headfirst into the snarling assholes headed right towards you. You use the time they bought you to regain your footing and grab your knife from its sheath on your belt. </p><p>Showtime. </p><p>Again, you feel your body dive into the fray, beheading anyone who comes too close to you. You look over to see how the boys are doing, they’re both holding their own well, they always do. But your heart stutters when you see one of the werewolves pin Dean to a tree, you scent a spike of fear. He’s thrashing, but the wolf seems to be stronger. You finish up on the one attacking you and make your way to him as fast as you can, ripping the creature off of your friend while he slices it’s head off. </p><p>He gives you a small nod and reaches his fist out, you mindlessly bump it with yours before turning back around to finish the dwindling pack off. You try your best to ignore the fact that you can scent his pride in you, thinking about that will only distract you and you know it. You swallow down the spark you felt when his skin touched yours. That was a long time ago, back when the two of you were inseparable. It’s different now. You hate that your damn body won’t get the memo. </p><p>Sam offs the last wolf and you can feel the exhaustion permeating off of the three of you, you’re all just standing in silence, practically panting. You hate that you can’t slow the beating of your heart, but it’s over. You did it. </p><p>You practically jump out of your skin when you feel a hand come down on your shoulder, but when you realize it’s Dean’s hand, you can almost feel your heartbeat slow. And you hate it, you hate that he still can provide you with the comfort you can’t provide yourself. You look up and his eyes are already latched to yours, he gives you a soft smile. </p><p>The moment is broken by Sam’s voice piercing the heavy silence. </p><p>“You guys ready to go? I don’t know about you, but I could use some air conditioning,” </p><p>You snort and Dean removes his hand. You hate that you miss its reassuring pressure.</p><p>“Yeah, that sounds pretty nice right about now,” you reply, resheathing your blade. </p><p>The trek back to the Impala is long and silent, the only sounds you hear are the heavy breathing of the three of you. </p><p>~~~</p><p>You make it back to the bunker in one piece, declining the beer Dean offers you. You’re headed back to your room to pack the few things you brought. You don’t trust yourself to stay any longer than you have to. Seeing them brings up memories you’d rather forget, and being around Dean? It’s rough. He’s an omega, and it’s not that you don’t trust yourself, being an alpha and all. Not to mention, Dean could hold his own against anyone, being an omega has never stopped him from anything. It’s that every time you see him, the last conversation you had at 18 won’t stop replaying over and over again in your head. </p><p>You’ve known the boys forever. You and Dean were really close, you basically grew up together. You were there when he presented as an omega, you were the one to calm John down and get Dean to safety. You were there when Sammy left for college when he had nobody else to turn to. You were there through it all. And you’d be lying to yourself if he didn’t hold an incredibly special place in your heart. Too special for the life you all live. Getting attached? That’s how you lose people. That’s how you break your own heart, and you’ve learned that lesson too many times to risk it with someone who means that much to you. </p><p>Everything changed when you presented as an alpha. As much as he refused to say it, you know he resented you. You didn’t necessarily blame him, you know the shit omegas put up with on a daily basis is unbearable. Especially a male omega. And especially Dean. Everyone expected he was going to present as an alpha, you did, he did, John did. You can’t close your eyes and not see the look of heartbreak in his eyes when he didn’t. The look of shame. And the rage in John’s. </p><p>He treated Dean differently from that day on, and you know it killed Dean. So whenever he looked at you, scented you, anything, that anger, shame, all of it, was directed at you. Realistically, you know it was never your fault. But that didn’t stop the pain. You would’ve thought everything you had been through was stronger than this rift, but it never got better. Dean was in pain. Looking at you hurt him. Being around you hurt him. So you did the only thing you could do to take that pain away. You left. </p><p>And it hurt, it hurt so fucking bad every single day you were away from him. But the thought that removing your presence in his life would make it better kept you going. </p><p>Hunting solo as a female alpha was rough, hell, it is rough. Reigning in your anger when people look at you with shock, with disbelief. Yeah, you get it. Female alphas are rare, incredibly rare. They’re rare, they’re hotheaded, and they’re difficult. But you exist, and you’d wish people would get the hell over it and treat you with the goddamn respect you deserve. </p><p>Over the years it got easier, being away from Dean and the challenges that came from rolling on your own. It got significantly easier when Sam contacted you to tell you the boys were back hunting together again. That made you happy. You knew they couldn’t stay away from each other for long, they’re two halves of the same damn coin. Yet you didn’t understand why hearing it deepened the pain in your heart. </p><p>That was until you started working together again. It started small. Sam would call you for help with a few Djinns, maybe a group of vamps. Then over the years, it got bigger and bigger, demons, angels, the fucking devil. At least it was never boring. But you always left as soon as you could afterward, being around them was too painful. It reminded you of the family you used to have. It reminded you of the werewolves that killed your dad a week before you presented. It reminded you of every night Dean would sneak into your bed and hold on to you as tight as he could, before sneaking back into his and pretending like nothing ever happened. It reminded you of the dumb jokes they made, the back and forth, all of it. And how you don’t have that anymore. How you can’t. Because you can’t get attached. </p><p>So you pack. You pull yourself out of your head, out of your memories, and you pack. They don’t say anything as you pass them on your way to the garage. Before you know it, you’re back on the road in your shitty Camaro and it finally feels like you can breathe out.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Comments and kudos are greatly appreciated! I tried something new here, not quite sure if it worked, so I'd love to hear what you think! Thanks for reading! </p><p>I would also like to issue a public thanks to Grammarly. I swear I'm illiterate most of the time.</p></blockquote></div></div>
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